Baldur’s Gate 3 is one of the horniest games of all time and, you know what, that’s just how we like it here at PC Gamer (well, some of us). To play Larian’s fantasy RPG masterpiece and not bump uglies with at least something is probably this game’s true hero run, as there are quite frankly a lot of alluring characters to get romantically involved with and many of them want to desperately jump you at every opportunity, too, (we’re looking at you Gale), often ambushing you with yet another proposition to remove your underwear when you least expect it.
And talking of ambushes and underwear, there is one character in Baldur’s Gate 3’s third act that it is particularly difficult to avoid doing the bedsheet shuffle with. At this point I will drop a spoiler warning to note that what follows reveals details of Act 3, so if you’ve yet to get there in your own BG3 run then I recommend you abandon this article now. After all, you’ll want to keep this a surprise, I promise.
I am of course talking about everybody’s favourite incubus fiend, Haarlep, a bondage gear-clad demon that you can find reclining on what I can only describe as a large love bed in Raphael’s House of Hope in Avernus. As anyone who’s played through this part of Baldur’s Gate 3 knows, Haarlep propositions the player character with a game of desire, which if engaged in (to avoid it involves a tough fight and, well, isn’t as fun narratively), sees the incubus using its devilish powers of seduction on our hero with potentially plenty of sexy results.
How good and experienced a performer is Haarlep in the sack, though? It’s a very valid question and I’m sure one that our hero character would want to know. Well, if we take the secret message that is printed on Haalep’s bondage gear as fact, then we’re looking at a real Casanova here. That’s because a talented gamer known as Shattered-Earth on the Baldur’s Gate 3 sub-Reddit has translated the ruinic symbols on Haarlep’s demonic lingerie and what they say reveals maybe too much information about Haarlep. The message reads: “1000 lovers in 1 body”.
What’s interesting about this message is that, depending on how you read it, it can act both as an advertisement for Haarlep’s sexual prowess and experience, or a warning. As Shattered-Earth mentions in the post’s comments, “as i was translating it I was like wait this is like a sex toy ad”, and it’s easy to see that interpretation, with FallenChocoCookie agreeing noting that “I’d say that’s efficient advertising.” Haarlep has plenty of experience in delivering pleasure and you can be sure of enjoyable results.
However, as Historical_Pen8920 notes, it can be read as “More of a warning for our hero” to Haarlep’s promiscuity and the potential for a very real game over moment. After all, if the player surrenders too much of themselves to Haarlep during the bed-based action then a swift death ensues.
Interestingly, a third way to look at this message comes from user MissMacropinna, who notes in the post’s comments that, “I even feel kinda sorry for Haarlep, poor dude got the most boring job in Hells.” I guess endless activity between the sheets could potentially start to lose its appeal after 1000 partners.
Regardless of how you take the “1000 lovers in 1 body” messaging, this is just another example of the astonishing depth built into Baldur’s Gate 3. Here the devil truly is in the detail, but it is this level of world-building combined with astonishing player choice that is baked in throughout the experience that led to us awarding BG3 the highest score we’d given a game in more than 16 years in our 97% rated Baldur’s Gate 3 review.